“When anybody asks, 'What are you writing about now?' if I try to reply, the book-in-the-works sounds so idiotic to me that I think, 'Why am I trying to write that puerile junk?' So now I give up; if I could talk about it, I wouldn't have to write it."
- Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet


Geek Talk

Friday, July 29, 2005

Back in high school, my Geek and his friends had their own language. Well, maybe not so much a language as a few original words they inserted into their everyday English conversations. The Geek claims rights to coining many of these words, and while I suspect some have been lost by the wayside over the years, I would like to share a few with you today.

I'm going to try to define/describe these words as best I can. Hearing them over the past 12 years of Geekwifdom, I think I've picked up on their meanings and proper usage pretty well, though once in a while the Geek will look at me funny when I use one of "his" words. "That's not how you use that word."

"Yeah," I reply. "Because Webster said so, right?"

"No, Webster didn't, I did."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. And you're the definitive expert on everything, right?"

"You got it, baby!"

Yes, my husband is the original megalomaniac. His signature line is "I know everything and I am always right. If there is anything I don't know then it does not need to be known." Yup, that's my sweetie.

So anyway, on with the Geek talk lesson.

Shrare (shrâr - rhymes with rare)
This word is the center of the Geek talk world. It is used more often than any other Geek word. Shrare is most commonly used to show ridicule or disdain for someone's absurd statement or action. For instance, if someone said to the Geek, "No, you're wrong and I'm right." The Geek would reply, "Shrare." Kind of like "As if".

There is a physical action which embodies the meaning of shrare: To place one's thumb and index finger in a circle and press it against someone's eye while yelling, "Shrare!"

Try it. Touch the tips of your thumb and index finger together (like the "A-OK" sign) and press your fingers against someone's eye, as if you were simulating a monacle on their eye. Then yell, "Shrare!" Congratulations! You have just completed your first shrare!

Disclaimer: I strongly suggest that you do not try this at work as your co-workers may not take it the right way and you will probably be branded as the office freak, or worse - if you haven't already been. I would also suggest that you do not do this to a person who is driving as it will obstruct their vision.

Darsh (därsh, rhymes with the way grandma said "warsh")
I am honestly not sure what darsh means. All I know is that you shrare it. One might randomly say something like, "shrare the darsh," or "shrarin' on the darsh." It is sometimes used in a statement of disbelief. If one were to unexpectedly discover the cure to cancer for instance, they might exclaim, "Well, shrare my darsh," similar to how Little B would say, "Well, bless my little pea-pickin' heart."

Gark (gärk, rhymes with hark)
Gark is an expression of frustration. If one is making dinner and one drops an egg on the floor where it breaks open and sprays egg all over the kitchen and then one accidentally slips on the egg and falls flat on one's tushie, one might say, "Well, gark."

Gark can also be used in conjunction with feef. (See following definition.)

Feef(rhymes with leaf)
Feef is another word which meaning I am not entirely sure of. It is generally used with gark, in a similar manner to darsh with shrare. Feef is never used with shrare, nor is darsh ever used with gark. For instance one would say, "Gark the feef," or "Shrare the darsh," but never " the Gark the darsh, or "Shrare the feef."

As with darsh, feef can be used in an expression of disbelief, as in "Well, gark my feef." If one experiences a particularly powerful case of disbelief, one might exclaim, "Well, gark my feef, and shrare my darsh!" This would be reserved for extreme cases, such as Windows booting up without crashing.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the Geek vocabulary, and there are a few other fairly common uses of these words, such as "Garking on the feefy shrae," with shrae being a derivative of shrare, but we do not have time to discuss this subject further today. Thank you for your attention, and as always, beware that I reserve the right to administer a pop-quiz at any time.


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