“When anybody asks, 'What are you writing about now?' if I try to reply, the book-in-the-works sounds so idiotic to me that I think, 'Why am I trying to write that puerile junk?' So now I give up; if I could talk about it, I wouldn't have to write it."
- Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet


Great Expectations

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

With five cats, we go through an awful lot of cat food and kitty litter. I have become one of Petco's best customers. Today, I was out shopping and stopped at a Petco that I have never been to before. (There are about 10 of them in the Metro area.)

Normally, I don't have any problem walking through doors. I've been doing this for over 30 years now and have gotten pretty good at it. I'm especially good with those new-fangled automatic doors. Have you seen them? They open up when you approach them. It's crazy, I tell you. Yup, I can walk right through that door without a hitch.

So like I said, normally I don't have a problem with doors. Apparently today was the exception. As I approached the glass door it slid right open for me (like those doors in Star Trek - really space-agey) and I walked through just fine.

I found myself in a small space - maybe 7 x 7 feet - that was all glassed in. There was another fancy Euro2000AutoDoor directly in front of me, so I stepped forward fully expecting it to open for me. It did not. I almost smacked my face right into it. My first thought was "stupid disfunctional door", so I stepped back, and then stepped forward again. Again it didn't open. How frustrating!

This was about the time I actually looked at the door and realized it had a huge sign at eye level that looked something like this.
The sign was at least as big as my head and let me tell you, I do not have a puny noggin.

So, I was already starting to feel a little annoyed, embarrassed, and flustered at this point. I turned to my right, because that's what right-handed people do, and I saw another door. This one had a handle, so I started to pull. Yes, it seemed a little strange that it wasn't another SuperEuro3000AutoDoor, but remember, I was flustered and all this happened in a very short span of time, so I wasn't really taking the time to think over what the door should look like. I got that door open about 1 inch when I realized that the doggy salon lady was looking at me funny from the other side of the door while she brushed the long-haired society dog who looked at me as if to say, "Daahling, what are you doing? Can't you see I'm getting my hair coiffed?"

It didn't take long to let that door go. Now, since this was a rectangular room, there was only one option left. I turned around and there it was. The door that would actually open for me. I have never felt such relief to see a door open as I passed over it's SuperEuroTech4000SubterraneanSensors as I did this time.

It took a second to find the shopping carts - they weren't where I expected to see them - but I did find them. I finished my shopping and got to my car relatively unscathed. Upon emptying the cart, I realized that
a) there was only one cart corral, and the store was closer to me than it was, and
b) I was planning on going to the store next door anyway, so I might as well just return it to the front of the store. I got to the curb break, but the curb side was just slightly higher than the road side. I ran into it expecting to run right up on the curb smoothly. Instead, the cart stopped and I didn't. SLAM, my stomach hit the cart handle. Uggh. So, I tried again, knowing the cart had to go over it, and after three tries (I only hit my stomach the first time) it finally did.

I have no doubt that I was the best entertainment the employees of that Petco have seen in a long time. I'm sure there was some laughter in the lunchroom today. ("Did you see that woman who couldn't figure out the doors and then brought the cart back to the door and couldn't get it up the curb today? It was hilarious! I laughed myself silly!") I can't blame them. I'd probably have done the same thing.


At 7/20/2005 5:58 PM, Blogger Blond Girl wrote:

Oh, no. You are not the first they have laughed at. They planned it that way on purpose and are now secretly filming all of the customers who expereince the same thing and spreading them to new PetCos that are being built. You are only the latest victim... muwahahaha....

Great post! I needed a smile before leaving The Big Company and going home. Thanks for giving it to me.


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