“When anybody asks, 'What are you writing about now?' if I try to reply, the book-in-the-works sounds so idiotic to me that I think, 'Why am I trying to write that puerile junk?' So now I give up; if I could talk about it, I wouldn't have to write it."
- Madeleine L'Engle, A Circle of Quiet


Monday Morning Mithridate

Monday, January 07, 2008

mith·ri·date [mith-ri-deyt]
–noun Old Pharmacology
a confection believed to contain an antidote to every poison.
(And who can't use an antidote to Monday Morning?)

Top Ten List
(This is a slightly modified version of an old Thursday 13.)

Top 10 Ways to Open a Door

10. The Sleep-walker - While sleep-walking, stumble into the door, bouncing off of it and stumbling back a few steps. Repeat until awakened by the bruise on your head.

9. The Clutz - Same as the Sleep-walker, but while awake.

8. The Geekwif - Open the door. Walk through. Forget to close the door completely and inadvertently let the cats out.

7. The Passive/Aggressive - Walk through the door and slam it shut. Wait to see if anyone reacts. When no one does, open the door and slam it shut again, only harder this time.

6. The Fonz - Enter the room, slick back your hair, strike a pose and wait for the applause.

5. The Star Trek - Walk through the doorway as it magically slides open on its own.

4. The Inigo Montoya - Body slam the door with your shoulder repeatedly and unsuccessfully.

3. The Fezzig - Shove Inigo aside, hit the door once with your hand, knocking it off its hinges, and step aside for Inigo to enter.

2. The Charlie's Angels - Kick the door down with your stilletto heels. Run into the room, shake your head to make your hair do that movie star swish while your two friends run in and stand next to you. Strike a pose with your gun pointed.

1. The Kramer - Stumble through the doorway, tripping over your own feet and nearly falling over. Then right yourself, and with a slightly dazed look on your face, act as though nothing is unusual at all.

(Thanks to Ian Punnet and Happy Boy for this one.)

A blonde woman is driving when she gets pulled over by a police car. She opens her window, and a blonde police officer walks up and asks for her license and registration. The driver nervously digs through her purse looking for her license, but she cannot find it.

“What does it look like?” she asks the officer.

“Well, it has your picture on it,” the officer replies.

She keeps searching until she finally finds a mirror and sees her face on it. She hands it to the blonde police officer. “Here it is, officer!”

The officer looks at it and hands it back to the driver. “I’m so sorry ma’am,” she apologizes. “I didn’t realize you were a police officer too!”

(from one of my very favorite books: “Eats, Shoots & Leaves”, by Lynne Truss)

“I have two cartoons I treasure...The second shows a bunch of vague, stupid-looking people standing outside a building, and behind them a big sign that says ‘Illiterates’ Entrance’. And do you want to know the awful truth? In the original drawing, it said, ‘Illiterate’s Entrance’, so I changed it. Painted correction fluid over the wrong apostrophe; inserted the right one. Yes, some of us were born to be punctuation vigilantes.”

I am on the hunt for funny, fun or encouraging tidbits to add to the Monday Morning Mithridate. If you have something to contribute, I’ll link to your blog in exchange for ideas! Go here to find out how.



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